10 Ways to Get Back at Your Girlfriend…

10 Ways to Get Back at Your Girlfriend for, Well, Being Your Girlfriend
or
1o Things Guys Can Do to Help Expedite the Course of Their Relationship/s

Never ask for directions, even if your very lives depend on it.

Never put the cap back on anything: toothpaste, deodorant, milk, etc…

Never replace the bag in the garbage container after taking out the trash.

Never rinse dirty dishes, put clothes in the hamper, or hang up wet towels.

Never put the toilet seat down and always make sure your aim is as keen as that of a drunken sailor.

Always make sure to leave the radio on and volume at full blast when exiting the car and you know she will be the next to drive.

After every meal eaten in the company of others, loudly burp and exclaim, “My compliments to the chef!”

Anytime one of her girlfriends says “Excuse me” regardless of the reason, reply “What, did you fart?”

Even if you hear what she asks or states, reply “What” no less than 20 times a day, occasionally asking , “What” a second time even after she repeats herself.

Holding and saving it if you have to, only expel gas at the most inopportune of times: while having a serious discussion, during a tear jerking moment of a movie, in public places, while eating, or best of all, while eating in public.

BREAKING NEWS!!!! THIS JUST IN….

BREAKING NEWS!!!! THIS JUST IN….

Sources say monkeys have begun flying out of people’s rectums and have joined they flock of flying pigs that are  heading in the direction of Hell which Satan revealed, in our exclusive interview with him during our last segment, has frozen over. More details to come as our writers make them up and our lawyers finish with the disclaimers. Now to commercial.

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“If I can’t shot them there bastards first then I use TURD-B-GONE”
-Phil Robertson Duck Dynasty Patriarch

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TURD-B-GONE!

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Now back to your sensationalized and fictional news coverage that is sure to keep you tuning in and increase our rating so we can continue to sell advertising space to only the most reputable companies like those who create fantastic products such as TURD-B-GONE!