And I Will Always Be.

And I Will Always Be.

I don’t know when he moved in,
hell, I didn’t even know there was a space to rent,
that’s irrelevant now,
he is here and he will not leave.

I’m not sure what I dislike about him the most,
how much we are alike,
or how different we are,
both, I think.

He rarely sleeps,
and is always in my ear,
telling me what I both want,
and don’t want to hear.

I’ve tried to have him evicted on multiple occasions,
it usually quiets him down for a day or two,
then I’ll wake to whispers,
which eventually turn to shouts if they go unanswered.

So I have no choice but to,
appease him,
humor him,
give in.

It’s a pointless game we play,
at least for me,
I think he enjoys it,
he thrives on sadism.

My friends and family,
they all loathe him,
often avoiding me to avoid him,
they are more adamant about his removal from the property than I.

I guess I could just move far, far away,
near the water maybe,
but I fear he’d just follow me,
and then I would be truly alone.

I dread the day,
just he and I,
our apocalypse,
we would ensure our mutual destruction.

This is the only way I will be rid of him,
in his death or mine,
I’d prefer the former,
he’s goal has always been the latter.

So you are probably thinking,
then murder the bastard,
but it’s not that simple,
taking, losing, or wasting a life never is.

And to be honest,
I’ve thought about it,
sometimes, it’s all I think about,
and darkness begets darkness.

So I am at a loss,
paralyzed,
not unwilling,
but unable.

I know,
it’s a defeatist attitude,
but after so much failure
it’s difficult to remain positive.

But don’t fret for me,
although he is cunning, determined, relentless,
and in it until the end,
so am I and I will outlast him.

Because although at times I may be weak,
I AM STRONG,
although at times I may be lost,
I AM ALWAYS FOUND,
although I have and will undoubtedly fall again,
I WILL GET BACK UP,
and although I may seem a victim,
I AM A SURVIVOR…

~Manic Marcus
Fall 2014

Not Alone

Not Alone

I wish to shed this skin of guilt,
I beg the heavens to unleash
a downpour of redemption
washing away both wrong doings and regret.
I pray for guidance,
for strength,
for freedom,
to a higher power which must exist,
has to exist,
or forever enslaved I shall remain,
to everyone
but to no one,
excluding me.
I force feed myself knowledge and lies
hoping to somehow excrete wisdom
that has the scent of enlightenment,
a bouquet that is intoxicating
and addicting.
If I must remain here,
standing in this same place,
knee deep in the excrement of a life wasted
covered in self pity and loathing,
then please,
will you join me,
acknowledge me,
help me.
Once too many times
gravity has overwhelmed,
and I have fallen,
each time breaking
until shattered beyond repair,
unsure of what I was,
or what I should be,
despondent, relieved, objectionable?
I know the answer,
what should be done,
what needs to be done,
or at least I think I do,
but I can’t do it alone,
I just can’t do it alone.

by Marcus W. McKean

Will We Persevere

Will We Persevere

I’m unsure,
where to begin,
do i start with now,
or way back when

I was born
a child of sin,
without favor,
little chance to win

the game of life,
which is my plight,
everyday I struggle,
everyday I fight

living in darkness,
I seek the light,
searching for truth,
without respite

from the negativity,
that seeps in my mind,
hoping the answers,
I will not find

Inner peace,
of any kind,
I’ve seen tou much,
I am not blind

to the worlds suffering,
both yours and mine,
you must understand,
our fates intertwine

Into one,
which we must combine,
before all is lost,
and we’re forced to resign.

by Marcus W. McKean

One Day We’ll Meet

One Day We’ll Meet
by Marcus W. McKean

Just past the threshold,
of the doorway to the unknown,
concealed by shadows,
you are there,
always,
watching and waiting,
unbeknownst to most
but I am not so lucky.
Years ago,
I nearly caught you,
or perhaps you, me,
and ever since
I can distinguish
a barely visible outline,
of something,
dark, decadent, terrifying
but still, somehow, enticing.
I want you to be fully revealed,
but for only the briefest of a second,
how a flash of lightning exposes
the false horrors of a dark room.
I want to touch you,
to get a feel for you,
but for no longer than a moment
yet, I know you require an eternity.
In this you will not negotiate,
but neither do you temp or discourage,
seduce or repulse,
and never would you dare to welcome,
or refuse me.
We pay each other this mutual courtesy,
and patiently wait for the inevitable.
One day…
One day we will meet,
but not today.

Life Wrote A Poem

Life Wrote A Poem
by Marcus W. McKean

Life wrote a poem just for you,
about roses red and violets blue,
about happy smiles and joyful laughs,
about sunset walks along garden paths.

About long nights spent in loving arms,
about weekend mornings without alarms,
about endless days of pleasure and delight,
about cool breezes and a sun warm and bright.

About how you could grow very wise and old,
about how your story could be the greatest told,
about how you were obviously meant to be,
about how you could go down in history.

Life wrote a poem just for you,
but left it in your hands to make it come true.